Funny Investing Terms

Alan Greenspan	God.
Bear Market	A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Bill Gates	Where God goes for a loan.
Bull Market	A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Call Option	Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cash Flow	The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Day Trader	Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Financial Planner	A guy who says to client: I've reviewed your financial picture, and if we manage your money properly, there should be plenty for both of us.
Institutional Investor	Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
Long Term Investment	Short Term Investment that failed.
Market Analyst	An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Market Correction	The day after you buy stocks.
Microsoft	A condition temporarily remedied by Viagra.
Momentum Investing	The fine art of buying high and selling low.
P/E Ratio	The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Profit	Religious guy who talks to God.
Stock Analyst	Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split	When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Value Investing	The art of buying low and selling lower.