ABC on Investing

 

Absolutely Bizar Consultations on Money-Making

Investing Terms

 

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Investing Jargon


Alan Greenspan God.
Bear Market A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Bill Gates Where God goes for a loan.
Bull Market A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Call Option Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.
Cash Flow The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Day Trader Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.
Financial Planner A guy who says to client: I've reviewed your financial picture, and if we manage your money properly, there should be plenty for both of us.
Institutional Investor Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.
Investing Methods Find numerous other financial and investing management models, methods and theories explained here
Long Term Investment Short Term Investment that failed.
Market Analyst An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Market Correction The day after you buy stocks.
Microsoft A condition temporarily remedied by Viagra.
Momentum Investing The fine art of buying high and selling low.
P/E Ratio The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Profit Religious guy who talks to God.
Stock Analyst Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.
Value Investing The art of buying low and selling lower.

 

 

 

 

2017, ABC on Investing - Investing Humor | Last updated: May 29th, 2017

 

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